So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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