didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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