how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
