WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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