dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
