so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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