awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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