I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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