I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
