Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
