I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize