I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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