So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my shit smells like andre
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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