you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
