take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
