my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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