I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
