twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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