I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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