Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
