rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
