the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
