He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
