Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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