I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize