i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
