Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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