i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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