I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
