zippers are such a cool invention
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
