I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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