Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
