where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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