Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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