I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
