No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His hands were made for my vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
