So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
