EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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