I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
