the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
