Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
