i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My pussy is not your playground.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
