I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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