It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
as a side note pls kill me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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