and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
