I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
