Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
