OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
