Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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