You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
