never play flip cup with pint glasses
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
