I puked a lego.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
