perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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