Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
