Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
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