So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
