it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize