Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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