worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
