Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
