can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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