rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
