So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
