we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
