i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A bitchslap is in order.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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