Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
