It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
