my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
