I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
