i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
