I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
