"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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