what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if only i could text you this smell
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
