I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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