my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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