you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
