In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
