I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
smell my finger.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
