oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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