my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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