I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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