Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
