Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
