Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
