Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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