walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
