I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
