you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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