Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
