Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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