he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
