Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
