I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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