So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
