dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
