apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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