He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
