How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
